


Only You to Trust (Only You)

by brightsee



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, hallucination, post season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:30:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4900372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightsee/pseuds/brightsee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver doesn't escape to the island after the undertaking, instead he stays and struggles to find himself again. He takes to showing up in the middle of night at Felicity's little town house, always in a state of distress. She tries to be there for him, for whatever he needs, even if he seems unappreciative.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only You to Trust (Only You)

**Author's Note:**

> I have a way over active imagination and am always coming up with story ideas, so this came about through playfully suggesting this idea to a friend who loved the idea. I have listened the weeknd's the hills on repeat for the past week while writing this, seriously it's a great song, go check it out. big thanks to alyssa for editing and checking it over, this one's for you. Thanks for reading, hope y'all enjoy.

_“I only call you when it’s half past five,_  
_the only time that I’d ever call you mine._  
_I only love it when you touch me, not feel me,_  
_when I’m fucked up that’s the real me.”_

_the weeknd, the hills_

-

The first time that Oliver comes to her in the middle of the night he’s drunk. 

It’s just after the undertaking and Tommy’s funeral and she knows he hasn’t been handling things well. His mother is in jail, he’s been forced to take control of the company, and the police are hot on the hood’s trail. Felicity just knows that he wants to escape, more than anything, but he’s just trying to push through it all. 

It obviously doesn’t work, especially when he’s drinking and showing up to her little townhouse at five in the morning. She doesn’t even hear the front door open but she hears a crash and loud bang coming from her kitchen which wakes her. 

Felicity’s a little groggy because she went to bed late thanks to nights spent working at Queen Consolidated with Oliver. She’s not even the slightest bit fazed by the sudden sounds but she does grab the baseball bat in the corner of her room just in case. Curses echo up the stairs and it’s a dead give away of who’s breaking into her house, she’s not really surprised. 

When she reaches the kitchen Oliver is sitting down at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Felicity deposits the bat on the couch of the joined living room, and moves to sit down at the table beside him. He doesn’t acknowledge her presence, just remains slumped over, and she wonders if he’s conscious. 

They remain like that for what feels like an hour, Felicity staring at Oliver with him unmoving. He reeks of alcohol, the smell coming off him in waves. The sun is starting to come up and she’s going to have to start getting ready for work, already knowing she’ll have a busy day of cancelling appointments. 

“Oliver,” she says quietly, hoping not to startle him awake. 

He raises his head and turns to look at her, his eyes are bloodshot and cheeks tear stained. “I’m sorry,” he replies, his voice harsh and just as low as hers. 

Felicity reaches out, trying to stop him from moving but he’s already standing up. Oliver runs a hand over his face, trying to wipe away the drunkenness, as if it’ll clear his head. He’s mere moments away from collapsing in on himself when Felicity stands up on her tip toes and pulls him into her. 

He’s stiff as a board but he drops his head to rest on the top of her shoulder and he quietly lets out a sigh. Felicity wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly, wishing away his burdens. She knows he’s battling his demons in the only way he knows how, damaging liver and all. 

The house is all too quiet, the only thing filling the silence is their breathing. Felicity rubs his back with one hand, hoping the soothing motion calms him, while the other holds onto him. Oliver turns into her neck, his lips brushing over the sensitive skin behind her ear sending shivers down her spine. 

Felicity’s never been comfortable with silence, especially in her own house but she feels Oliver’s need for peace. She feels the war raging beneath his heart and his head, pumping through his body fighting with himself to stay. He’s most comfortable in his own silence, so she’s surprised when he breaks the spell. 

“I hate this,” he mumbles into her neck, his nose grazing her skin. She can feel his cheek over the exposed skin of her collarbone, it’s the most skin to skin contact she’s ever had with Oliver. 

Felicity continues to rub his back, she doesn’t know the right words to say to him. There probably aren't any. But she feels the broken man beneath her fingers, all hard lines and muscles. 

“I’m so sorry,” she says, meaning it with every fiber of her being. As much guilt as he’s feeling, Felicity is probably bearing a fair share of her own for the undertaking. If she had known there was a second device, if she had been faster and smarter, the glades would still be standing. 

Her words seem to sober him because he’s pushing away from her, shaking his head. “I have to go,” he mutters, mostly to himself, as he moves through her kitchen towards the front door. 

Felicity tries to go after him but he’s too fast on his feet, even in his inebriated state. She lets him go. Oliver Queen does what he wants and who is she to stop him? 

The door slams behind him and the roar of his motorcycle and screeching tires follows. She wants to beat some sense into him when he’s sober, but she knows he’s not going to want to talk about it. When she goes into work in a few hours, he won’t be there, and when he does show up halfway through the work day it’ll be as if nothing ever happened. 

-

Oliver doesn’t mention that night he showed up drunk and it doesn’t feel right for Felicity to bring it up. John notices the change in Oliver but doesn’t comment, knowing anything that he or she says will be ignored. They let him be, offering silent support and a kind hand to guide him. 

It’s stressful the first few months after the undertaking. They’re all settling into their new roles while taking a break from their nightly activities. Oliver basically quit being the hood and has promoted Felicity to his executive assistant and John as his bodyguard. It feels wrong but it’s what Oliver needs so they suffer silently. 

The second night he shows up at her door is after a particularly bad day at the office. The investors are putting pressure on Oliver and he’s trying to find a solution to their problems, the Applied Sciences division being one of them. 

They spent a majority of the day and night looking for solutions, only to come up empty handed. They both return to their homes discouraged and tired. Or at least Felicity does, and the moment her head hits the pillow she’s out like a light. It’s been a long day and tomorrow will most likely be even long, she needs her beauty sleep. 

It’s four in the morning when she’s woken up. She doesn’t even startle because the curses that are coming from the first floor of her townhouse are all too familiar of the last time she had an intruder. Of course it’s Oliver, and she’s tired and grumpy and does not want to deal with his drunk ass again. 

She throws on her silk robe with a little more force than necessary and stomps down the stairs, a lecture forming for her boss who has personal boundary issues. Only the lecture and any malice she has towards him flies out the window when she sees him passed out at the bottom of the stairs. 

Felicity practically flies down the last few steps to kneel at his side. She knows basic first aid thanks to John so she knows to look for a pulse, her fingers finding the spot against his neck. It’s beating strong beneath her two fingers, she lets out a sigh of relief, and begins to check for injuries. 

His wooly green sweater is clean, his jacket sporting no blood, and his jeans are just torn slightly. Her hands run idly over the planes of his chest, his legs, around his back, just searching for a damp patch of blood. There’s nothing. 

When Felicity sits back on her heels, it’s then she noticed the deep gash across his forehead which edges onto his temple. One hand runs across the top of his head, checking for additional bumps or cuts. She finds nothing but that lone wound and sets off to treat it. 

He’s out cold and doesn’t even flinch when she cleans the wound and places two butterfly bandages across the two inch gash. Oliver only stirs when she’s cleaning up the mess the he’s made, a chair overturned and papers scattered across the kitchen floor. 

It’s still dark out but the moon filters in through the open kitchen window, the soft light ghosting across his face. He groans when he wakes up, a hand flying to his injury which sends Felicity into motion. 

“Hey, no touching!” She half whispers half shouts, leaping across the room. 

Oliver freezes, his hand resting in mid air, as he turns to face her. “What happened?”

Felicity kneels back down beside him, her hand giving his shoulder a soft squeeze. “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what you remember last?”

He slowly closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “I got into a fight.”

“Why?” She questions, her hand resting on top of his chest close to his heart. 

Oliver stays silent, and when he finally opens his eyes again he looks guilty. He raises his hand to where hers gently rests and gives it a squeeze as he moves it over his heart. “I’m sorry.”

Felicity furrows her brows in confusion. “Oliver-”

She doesn’t even finish her question, his name barely rolling off her tongue, before he’s pushing himself into a standing position. Felicity is quick to follow and reaches out when it looks like he’s going to collapse. 

Oliver brushes her off. “I shouldn’t have come here,” he says, mostly to himself, and is pushing his way out the front door. 

Felicity stands there, staring at the open door and Oliver’s retreating form down the block. His bike is noticeably absent which she can’t feel a little relieved at, but she mostly feels concern and worry for the man. She has a feeling he’s not going to mention anything in the morning, playing right into his role as CEO. 

Felicity makes a mental note to fill John in on these developments because there’s definitely something Oliver’s not telling either of them. 

-

It’s a few days later when she gets a moment alone with John, and has to considerably work up the nerve to mention Oliver. It’s a hard topic because it’s about someone they both care about and Felicity just knows that he’s had to notice something’s changed about their “boss”.

Of course the moment is ruined before it even begins, Oliver waltzing through the office from his meeting, which took less time than Felicity had anticipated. He goes straight to his desk, barely registering Felicity, and digs into the report she left on his desk that morning. 

The clear glass walls give her the chance to watch him, something she finds herself doing more often now that he’s been visiting her at night. He acts like everything's normal, like his take as the hood or undertaking never happened, and he hasn’t been propelled into the position of CEO. 

However, through his charade, Felicity can see the wear and tear on his face. The gash is still an angry red on his forehead and it’s obvious he hasn’t been taking care of it. There are bags under his eyes, more so than when he was the hood. His shoulders seem weighed down with stress and responsibility, and she hasn’t seen him smile once. 

Felicity brings him a coffee, even if she’s already told him it’s not her job, she can tell he needs the pick up. When she sets the steaming mug on his desk, he doesn’t even look up from his paperwork or acknowledge her. 

Felicity lets out a silent huff, turns on her heel, and exits. She’s stopped halfway out the door when she hears a soft: “Thank you.”

Maybe the Oliver she knows isn’t gone, he’s just buried under someone he’s trying to be, someone he feels he needs to be for his family. 

-

Now that Felicity has all this extra time at night, she decides to start dating again. She met Mark at the coffee shop across from QC during one of her lunch breaks. He’s the complete opposite of Oliver, talkative and willing to share everything with her. They get along great and have been on a couple of dates so far, Felicity can’t be happier with the development. 

When she’s with Mark she forgets about everything, about Oliver and her previous night life with the hood. She forgets about the undertaking and Oliver’s behaviour, and her sudden promotion to executive assistant. To him, she’s just Felicity and there’s no obligations or expectations. She likes Mark and everything he represents. 

So she’s in the middle of dinner with him at a restaurant, it’s nothing fancy but it suits both their tastes seamlessly. He’s an accountant and spends most his days with numbers, he doesn’t come from money but rather worked hard for everything he has. Like her. 

They’re in the middle of dinner discussing the newest technology that’s being released in a few days, well she’s doing most of the talking but he has enough interest that he’s able to follow along. Her phone goes off and it surprises both of them. She silences it without even looking at the caller I.D., whoever it is can wait until she’s done with her date. 

Felicity relaxes once her phone is off and enjoys her date. Mark is funny, and practically perfect in the way he takes care of her. He pays for dinner and takes her out for dessert afterwards, sharing a chocolate sundae without the peanuts. They talk about everything, he’s almost as chatty as she is, which is something Felicity enjoys. When she goes off on a tangent, he listens without judging or cutting her off, and when she’s done he’ll give his own opinion on the matter. 

Still, all through her perfect date there’s a nagging feeling that something is wrong. Felicity pushes it away and focuses on Mark, not the silence of her phone that weighs heavily in her purse. When she gets back home, Mark makes a suggestion to come inside for coffee. Felicity is about to agree, even if the implications is something more than coffee, when she see’s Oliver’s bike parked beside her house. 

The nagging feeling turns to dread quickly and sits heavily in her stomach. It’s only eleven, too early for Oliver’s visits which range hours after midnight, Felicity gives mark a quick kiss and tells him to call her before jumping out of his car. She tries to appear normal but is walking quickly up to her front door. 

Felicity doesn’t even wave to Mark when she opens her front door but rather hurries inside and slams the door behind her. There’s no sight of Oliver, her house is just as she left it. Felicity practically runs through the house and checks every room to find him nowhere in sight. 

When she comes back downstairs, more confused than ever, she moves to sit down on the couch. Except there’s a body hidden beneath a blanket and the tuff of hair peeking out is a familiar shade. Felicity pulls the blanket back and Oliver is there passed out and it’s really nothing out of the ordinary. 

She watches him breath for a moment, chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm. She wonders briefly if he’s drunk again but judging by his appearance, he’s just exhausted. Felicity lets it go and pulls the blanket back over his shoulders and leaves him be. Before retreating to her own bed, she leaves a glass of water on the coffee table for him as an offering. 

There’s an obvious explanation as to why he’s sleeping on her couch, and she ponders the reason as she tries to go to sleep. The possibilities are endless and all the thinking and contemplating keeps Felicity up for most of the night. She tosses and turns and the silence that fills the house is daunting, especially knowing Oliver is downstairs on her couch. 

At some point during the night she drifts off to sleep only to wake up to a commotion coming from her living room. There’s a bang and then a shout that obviously comes from Oliver and Felicity is so quick getting out of bed she almost fumbles down the stairs. 

When she reaches Oliver, he’s sitting up on the couch and breathing heavily. The room is dark but the faint glow from the streetlights outside give enough light that she notices a soft sheen of sweat coats his skin. Felicity hovers on the perimeter of the room, not wanting to scare him. 

“Oliver?” She calls out softly with hesitation. 

His head whips to her from where he had been staring at the opposite wall, his eyes haunted and lost as he locks them with hers. Felicity edges into the room, closing the distance between them. 

“I had a nightmare,” he tells her, his voice scratchy and rough. 

“About the island?” She questions. 

Oliver shakes his head. “The undertaking. I keep seeing Tommy die, every night, and there’s nothing I can do to save him.” He takes a deep breath and continues. “I killed my best friend.”

Those words break something in Felicity and without really noticing, she’s across the room and sitting beside him on the couch. “You didn’t kill him.”

“I did,” he argues, trying to pull away from her and add distance. “You don’t understand, you weren’t there.”

“I understand. I may not have been there but I feel the responsibility for the second machine, for not knowing it existed and not being able to disarm it in time. I feel guilt from the undertaking too, Oliver, you’re not the only one.”

Oliver leans over, to rest his elbows on his knees.Felicity resists reaching out and rubbing his back, he doesn’t want comfort. They sit in silence for a moment, Felicity watching the conflict draw across his face. 

He sits back up and looks at her, eyes dark and exhausted. “I”m sorry,” he says weakly. 

She hears what he’s saying in that apology, he’s taking the blame for her involvement and shouldering her own guilt as his own. Felicity’s ready to argue, to knock some sense into him but like always, he’s already leaving. 

He’s across the room, his hand resting on the door handle. “I shouldn’t have come,” 

There’s no point in arguing, she realizes. “I’m here for you, Oliver.”

He seems to relax at the statement, if only for a second, before he’s leaving again. She’s not sure how to address him tomorrow morning, how she can help him make this better. Felicity briefly wonders if there’s any way to help him but be there for him, even if it’s in the middle of the night. 

-

Some nights, without really noticing, Oliver sneaks into her home and sleeps on her couch. Much like that first night he slept over, he has night terrors. Felicity wakes up, startled from the sudden noise, but doesn’t acknowledge the additional presence in her house. Oliver doesn’t say anything at work the following day, they actively ignore it. 

Felicity is fine with the development, her new boyfriend Mark not so much. It’s a delicate balance she has between the two men in her life. Mark doesn’t understand the connection she has to Oliver, or why the boundaries between CEO and assistant are so blurred. It puts a strain on her relationship, one that comes to a head when she gets a phone call in the middle of the night. 

It was a long day at work for Felicity, especially with Oliver leaving early, there were too many reports to go over herself. She had cancelled her date with Mark but the man was persistent and showed up at her front door with ice cream and a movie. When Felicity could no longer keep her eyes open, they retreated to the bedroom. 

It wasn’t Mark’s first time spending the night and he knew his place was on the right side of the bed. Felicity had changed into her pajamas and curled up against the warm body, relaxing into the mattress. She was thankful that Oliver wasn’t on her couch tonight, or hopefully would keep his distance once seeing Mark’s car in her driveway. 

Mark curls up around her, holding onto her tightly. Being close to someone again, even just sleeping is nice and Felicity finds herself relishing in the moment. The talk quietly, mostly about nonsequential things or stories from their childhood. It’s with Marks soft words that she finds herself drifting off into a dreamless sleep. 

There’s an angry ringing from a cell phone somewhere in the room that wakes them both up in the middle of the night. Felicity rolls over, hand reaching out to her nightstand and groping in the dark for her glasses. The ringing is loud and intrusive, Mark curses at the sound and gets up trying to find the purse. 

Felicity is half asleep and vaguely registers that it’s her phone that’s ringing. She’s about to protest, tell Mark to leave it because he’s not going to like who’s on the other end, when the ringing stops and Mark’s answering.

“Hello?”

“Felicity?” Oliver’s voice is too loud and the muffled sound reaches her from across the room. “Where’s Felicity? What did you do with her?”

Felicity leaps off the bed and rushes to the phone. “Oliver?”

“You need to get out of the Glades, there’s a second device it’s not safe!” 

She shakes her head, trying to clear the sleep away. “You’re not making any sense.”

“There’s a second device!” He repeats, his breathing growing heavy between his words. “You need to get out of there!”

Felicity finally clues in, he’s reliving the undertaking. “Oliver,” she says slowly, trying to get his attention. “I’m at home, I’m fine. The undertaking happened months ago, you need to breathe.”

“Felicity, you need to listen to me!”

“No, Oliver, you need to listen to me,” Felicity argues. There’s some movement on the other end of the phone and she’s beginning to worry. “Where are you?”

“In the Glades, I’m trying to find the second device to deactivate it.”

“Where is it?” She tries, hoping if she plays into his scenario it’ll give her the information she needs. 

“Underground, I got to go.” 

He hangs up and leaves Felicity with the dial tone ringing through the quiet of her bedroom. Mark is standing there stunned at what he obviously just heard but she jumps into motion. She doesn’t even want to worry about that, finding Oliver is her priority. 

“Can you drive? I’m going to track his cell phone.” She doesn’t even wait for an answer, already trying to track his phone. Her nose is buried deep in her phone, fingers frantically working their magic, she pays no mind to Mark who’s sliding into the driver's seat of her Mini Cooper. 

Felicity gives off directions and Mark follows, not once voicing his concerns. There isn’t time to explain things, she’s not even sure he’d understand if she did. The signal grows stronger the further they drive into the Glades, and when they reach the destination Oliver is nowhere in sight. 

She hops out of the car, running into the alley. Felicity finds his phone first, abandoned near the street. She walks further, the light growing dim, her heartbeat growing erratic and a thousand possibilities running through her head. 

There’s a body at the end of the alley, crumpled and folded in on itself. “Oliver,” she breaths, rushing forward and dropping down to her knees at his side. 

He stirs when she touches him and rolls over onto his back. “Fe-lic-ity,” he slurs, then bolts upright. “We need to find the second device.”

Felicity tries to hold him down, to steady him, but he’s already standing up and pulling him with her. “Oliver,” she tries to stop him, gripping onto his hand but he’s too strong for her. “Stop!”

He doesn’t stop and instead runs right into Mark, sending the other man crashing to the ground. “What are you doing here?” He snarls, glaring down at the man on the ground. 

Felicity steps between the two and looks up at Oliver, trying to distract him. With the glow of the street lights she notices his dilated pupils, and it all makes sense. She reaches up and cups his face, drawing his attention to her. “Oliver, what did you take?”

He can barely focus on her and she can practically feel his body tense beneath her fingers, winding up and ready to spring into action. His eyes are void, he’s living in his own hallucination. “We need to find the second device,” he says a little too quickly, his eyes already jumping around their surroundings. 

Mark gets up, ready to yank Felicity away from the crazed man but she puts her arm out to stop him. She turns to Mark, keeping her hand intertwined with Oliver to ensure he doesn’t go anywhere. “We have to get him back to my place.”

“That’s not safe, he’s clearly out of his mind right now." Mark argues, and Felicity thinks that’s a valid point but it’s Oliver. 

She voices that very thought. “It’s Oliver, I’m not leaving him alone.”

Mark drops his shoulders, defeated. “Fine, let’s try to get him into the car.”

Felicity nods and turns back to Oliver. “I know where the second device is, will you come with me?”

“Absolutely not, you need to get to safety, Felicity,” he practically shouts, his hand squeezing hers tightly. 

She steps towards him, and with her free hand brushes his arm in a soothing manner. “I’m not going anywhere without you. We’re a team, remember?”

Oliver seems to contemplate her words for a moment before he begins to move. "Let's go.”

She’s not even sure how but she manages to coral Oliver into the backseat of her Mini, sitting beside him and holding onto his hand. He rants the whole way home and she barely notices Mark clench the steering wheel and clench up. When they reach her townhouse, and Oliver catches sight, he begins to panic. 

“This isn’t where the device is!” He yells, stepping out of the car. 

“I know,” she replies softly. “It’s about to go off, we need to get somewhere safe, okay?”

“But all those people.” Oliver argues, at war with himself. 

“It’s too late,” she whispers. It cuts a little close to home, reopening wounds that haven’t had the time to heal. Felicity hopes playing into his hallucination will get Oliver off the streets and into the confines of her townhouse. “It’s not safe out here, we need to go inside.”

Oliver doesn’t answer but he does let her lead him inside and onto the couch. He sits there frozen, staring at the wall with tears blurring his vision. All Felicity wants to do is comfort him, to sooth the war raging within him. Mark steals her attention, standing at the edge the whole night and witnessing everything.

Felicity drapes a blanket over Oliver’s shoulders and leaves the room, needing to explain everything to Mark. Only he doesn’t give her the chance, the second the door is closed he’s on her. 

“What the hell was that?” He whispers angrily, trying not to draw the attention of the other man in the connecting room. 

“He took something, he’s hallucinating." Felicity explains.

“What’s all that talk about the second device? Was he involved with the earthquake that leveled the Glades a few months ago?” Mark questions, digging into dangerous territory. 

Felicity shakes her head. “It's a hallucination, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Mark doesn’t buy it. “Fine, but why is he calling you?” 

“We’re friends,” she shoots back, growing frustrated with the acquisition.

“He’s your boss!” 

Felicity doesn’t miss the way his hands are balling up into fists or the way he’s heaving with anger. “I care about him.”

“Yeah, that’s obvious,” he spits, followed by a dry laugh. “You’re obviously offering sexual favours on the side, or else why does he show up here in the middle of the night? And how did you get promoted so quickly?”

“You need to leave,” she snaps, pointing at the door. Mark doesn’t even waste another second, just grabs his jacket from the coat rack and leaves, the door slamming behind him. 

Felicity sighs, exhausted from the events of the night. She grabs a glass of water and goes back to Oliver. The living room was a little too quiet while she was arguing with Mark and when she returns to the couch she finds her answer, Oliver is asleep. 

She sets the glass down on the coffee table for him and moves to the vacant recliner. Felicity wraps herself in a throw blanket, curls up on the chair, and gets comfortable. She doesn’t go back to sleep but rather watches Oliver, his head thrown back over the couch and his mouth open slightly. His chest rises and falls slowly as he breathes, and she counts his breaths. 

Sometime in the night she falls asleep, only to awaken from Oliver’s mumblings. “We didn’t get there in time,” he mutters, sitting forward with his elbows resting on his knees. 

Felicity unfolds herself from her chair and moves to sit beside him. “Oliver, what happened?”

“The device went off, everyone’s dead,” he replies, choking on his words. “Everyone’s dead.” Tears begin to leak from his eyes as he shakes his head. “Tommy, Laurel, Thea, Digg, Felicity, I killed them all.”

“You didn’t kill anyone, we’re still alive, Oliver,” she replies softly, trying to sooth him. “I’m right here, look at me.”

Oliver raises his head, eyes glassy and pupils still dilated. “I killed them,” he repeats before breaking down. 

Felicity feels her heart break and she reaches out and pulls him into her. He might not know who she is right now, he may be so lost in himself and hallucination that he can’t think straight, but she can provide some comfort. 

He goes willingly into her embrace, arms encircling her waist. Felicity rubs his back and holds onto him tightly and just lets him cry it out. Between breaths he whimpers lowly about the undertaking in great detail, how he was too late. Felicity doesn’t interrupt him, he’s living a very real nightmare that seems real to him. 

They don’t sleep the remainder of the night. She somehow gets him upstairs into her bed, laying him down. He doesn’t let her go, instead pulling her with him so she’s cuddled up against him. He breaths out into her hair, slowly coming off the drugs he ingested. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers into her hair moments before he falls back asleep. Felicity lies with him until she knows he’s settled before leaving him, there’s so much work she’ll have to do now that the CEO is out of commission for the day. It’s almost nine in the morning, she’s exhausted, but gets ready for another busy day without complaint. 

She finds out later through the morning news that there was a drug bust at a club in the glades, with help from someone that oddly looked like the hood. Felicity breathes a sigh of relief, if only because that means he wasn’t taking to drugs voluntarily. It explains his state the night before, and it doesn’t make things better, but she can't be mad at him. 

When Oliver finds his way in halfway through the afternoon, Diggle has a word with him. He caught wind of the drug bust and decides to give Oliver a well deserved lecture. They’re a team, Oliver shouldn’t be out there on his own. 

When Felicity is ready to go home for the night, Oliver is still in his office. She goes to say goodbye and he’s looking ragged and worn down, she doesn’t have the heart to give him a lecture like Digg had earlier. Instead she offers him a wave, which he returns with a small smile. 

Mark calls her and breaks up with her that night, she can’t say too upset over the sudden development. Oliver isn’t only her boss, but a friend and he needs her right now. She’s going to be there for him when he needs her, even if it’s in the middle of the night or during a drug induced hallucination. 

-

The last time Oliver drops in on her in the middle of the night doesn’t surprise Felicity, not like it used to. Reportings of the hood had grown over the past few weeks, ever since the drug bust, as has Oliver’s recklessness. He’s been turning up for work with cuts and bruises littering his face and hands. Felicity passes it off to investors as him taking off a new hobby, boxing. 

Everything that John or her tell Oliver goes right over his head, he doesn’t to either of them regarding his nightly activities. It goes so far that John drops Oliver as an employer, refusing to work as his driver and security detail. 

Felicity knows he’s hanging on by a thread, one that grows thinner the longer his mother’s trial goes on and his troubles at the office lingers. She stays because he needs a friend and he’s alienated every single one of his that ever cared about him. Including his sister, who fails to understand the weight of guilt he carries, not only as a Queen but as the hood. 

So Felicity stays by his side, through the day and even the night. She waits up for him, just in case he comes back to her house, and tracks his movement. She’s thankful of the tracker she installed in his boots months before the undertaking. If she thought he was reckless before as the hood, he’s even more so now without the green leather. 

She currently has the food network on in the background, Oliver’s movement on one tablet, and QC reports on her laptop. It’s late but she feels like she needs to keep busy, especially while Oliver is in the Glades doing God knows what. It keeps her mind at bay of all the possibilities and over thinking. 

Still, even though it shouldn’t, it surprises Felicity that Oliver's movement is closing in on familiar territory. She slowly closes her laptop when she hears the rumble of the Ducati turn into her driveway, the headlights shining into the living room. Felicity waits but when Oliver doesn’t come through the front door she grows slightly worried and gets up to check on him. 

She opens the door to reveal Oliver passed out on her front lawn, face down into the grass. There’s a dark spot on his green leather jacket that’s growing in size by the minute, she doesn’t waste another minute. Felicity rushes to his side and it’s an all too familiar scene. 

Oliver is on the brink of consciousness, enough that with the help of Felicity can make his way into the house. She deposits him on the couch, lying down with the wound exposed. It’s a deep gash, long and angry, spanning from the bottom of his ribs to his hip. It’s going to need stitches. 

Before she can leave his side, Oliver reaches out and grabs her wrist. “Don’t call John.”

“Oliver-”

“Please,” he begs, his eyes honest and pleading. 

Felicity sighs and nods. “You’re lucky he taught me how to put in stitches.”

A hint of a smile plays at the corner of his lips when he lets go of her wrist, freeing her to get medical supplies. Oliver’s lucky that John had given her a very extensive first aid kit when they first got together, one for her car and one for her home. He’s also lucky that John isn’t there, and she’s not calling him, because that man would love to knock some sense into him. 

Felicity returns to Oliver’s side with the medical kit and begins to sort through it, taking out things she’ll need. Oliver watches with a half lidded gaze. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, causing her to stop her in place. 

“No you’re not,” she replies, shaking her head before continuing as she opens gause packages. Felicity sticks them to his wound, moving his hand, of the uninjured side, to hold them in place. When she finally meets his eyes, he looks hurt and confused. “You tell me the same thing every time, after a while you stopped meaning it.”

“Felicity-”

This time she cuts him off, “No more excuses, okay?”

She gets to work, ignoring his pleading looks, and focuses on the wound as she begins to disinfect the area. It finally stopped bleeding but the edges are rough, making healing a bitch. 

“I was on patrol in the Glades, I interrupted a man trying to take advantage of a girl,” he explains, trying to get her to understand. 

“What happened to staying out of the Glades as the hood?” She questions, preparing the needle and numbing agent. 

“The Glades are as bad as ever, Felicity, it needs me.”

She tilts her head. "It needs you, or you need it?”

He doesn’t answer her but gives a nod when she’s ready to numb the surrounding area. He barely flinches when the needles is inserted, relaxing when it’s withdrawn and the pain ebbs away. “It’s complicated,” he finally says. 

“It’s not.” 

They sit in silence as Felicity prepares the needle and thread, giving him a few minutes for the area to totally go numb. When she feels the area, he gives a brief nod and she gets to work. Felicity isn’t a fan of blood or stitches, the way the thread tugs the skin together is disgusting to her, but she does it for him. She does a lot of things for Oliver. 

It’s quiet while she works, their breathing the only thing that fills the room. Oliver watches her intently and Felicity has to bite her lip to keep her from giving him a piece of her mind. It doesn’t work because halfway through she stops her work, sits back on her heels and sighs. 

“I’m tired, Oliver.”

He furrows his brows, confused. “I can finish up if you want me to.”

She shakes her head. "It's not that. I’m tired of this, of us, of you.” 

“I don’t-don’t think I understand,” he stutters, at a loss of words. 

“I’m tired of you coming to me in the night in different conditions. The last time, I helped you through a drug induced hallucination. The time before that was countless nightmares. The time before that was a gash to the forehead. Do you even remember the first time you came to me?”

Oliver frowns and slowly closes his eyes. “No.”

“You were drunk, and you broke into my house in the middle of the night. Then you took off on your bike, while you were still drunk out of your mind,” she reveals annoyed. 

“Felicity, I’m sorry for all this.”

She feels her anger and frustration with him grow. “You’re not though. Every damn time you tell me you’re sorry and I really don’t think you mean it. At least not in the way you mean it now.”

Oliver reaches out to her but she slips out of his reach. She picks up the needle again and continues her work, stitching him up and when that’s finished she puts on ointment and a bandage. Felicity cleans up the mess and puts the first aid kit back under the bathroom sink, the returns back to Oliver’s side. 

She sits down on the floor by the couch, needing to finish their conversation. “I’m not going to apologize to you for the things I say, deep down you know they’re true.”

“Felicity-” he tries again but she can’t let him continue. 

“Just hear me out, okay?” 

He gives her a slight nod, allowing her to go ahead. 

“You’re not sorry for dropping in on me night after night, you’re sorry because you feel it’s your fault for the undertaking. You might think you’re over it, that it’s been months, but you’re still trying to come to terms with everything. You’ve pushed everything away, trying to step up and be the man you’re expected to be, but you haven’t healed. Not the way you need to.”

Felicity takes a deep breath and continues. “I know you wanted to run and hide after everything went down but you didn’t. You stayed here for your sister and your mother, for the company, and I am so unbelievably proud of you. But by doing that, you’re also hurting yourself.”

Oliver takes a moment to register what she’s saying, meeting her gaze before moving down to where his hand rests on his wound. “I’m fine, I’ve dealt with things. I’m ready to do some good, as CEO and the hood.”

Felicity sighs, reaches out and grabs his hand giving it a squeeze. “You’re not fine, I’ve spent countless nights with you. You are anything but fine.”

She runs her free hand up his arm and resting at his shoulder, pushing him back on the couch when he tries to argue and get up. “I remember everything you’ve said to me, drunken ramblings, your dreams, and your hallucinations,” she states. “You haven’t dealt with the undertaking, with Tommy’s death and your part in it.

“Last month, when you accidently consumed the new version of vertigo that was going around the clubs, you were hallucinating. I was right there with you, on the other end of the phone while you tried to look for the second device. I was by your side when you told me that everyone was dead, not just Tommy but Laurel and Thea, John and me. You couldn’t even recognize me, too wrapped up in your own head and the slow torture you’ve been going through every day since the device went off.”

“This isn’t healthy, Oliver,” she finally says. “I’m not going to stand by and watch you destroy yourself any longer, I can’t do it. I care about you and every night it kills me a little more to see how much you hurt.”

“Felicity,” he breathes, gripping her hand tighter. He locks eyes with her and she can see how much her words have torn him apart. “I’m sorry, for my actions and behaviour. It wasn’t fair to you.”

She runs her hand soothingly down his arm, giving him the comfort her craves. “No it wasn’t. But I’m here for you, for whatever you need. I don’t want to push you away, I just want to help you.”

“And you have,” he replies, giving her a small smile. “I probably could have ended up dead in an alley if you didn’t come find me the last time. I’m sorry for putting you through everything.”

Felicity leans forward and smiles. "What are friends for?” 

This time, they talk all night long. They get all their feelings out in the open, how she’s been terrified for him and his growing erratic behaviour, and he tells her that he’s been struggling to come to peace with his actions. He asks her what she thinks he should do but she can’t give him the proper answer. 

“I think you know what you need to do,” she tells him, just as the sun is beginning to rise. 

“I think I need to get away for awhile,” he suggests, looking up at her to get her approval. 

Felicity smiles and gives his arm a squeeze, agreeing. She sits on the coffee table, holding his hand as he lays on the couch and the two watch the sun rise through the open window. They know in a few hours Oliver will be on a plane and heading to the little island he escaped from less than a year ago. They both know it’s what he needs. 

When Oliver is ready to go, she says goodbye to him at the door. He left an hour ago only to return with papers for her to sign. She’s given temporary control of the company with Walter stepping in to oversee things. He’s already said goodbye to Digg and Thea, explaining the situation and making amends for his behaviour. 

She’s the only one left, the last person he cares about in Starling. She stands nervously in the doorway, staring up at Oliver. He seems almost lighter in a way, like he’s on the way to healing. There’s still a long way to go but he’s already one step closer to forgiving himself. 

Oliver wraps her up in a hug, his arms tight around her shoulders. Her arms circle around his waist, careful of his stitches and relaxes into his warm embrace. His heart beats steadily beneath her ear and he rests his cheek against the top of her head, almost like they fit together perfectly. 

Felicity pulls away a fraction to look up at him. “Your company will still be here when you return.”

“I owe you so much, Felicity.” She blushes under his intense gaze but can’t look away. He leans down and drops a tender kiss to her forehead. “Thank you.”

“Just come back in one piece, okay?”

“Okay.”


End file.
